14 points, can you revise my paragraph using strong ideas, good vocabulary, varied sentence, transitional words, organization and the paragraph basics?
My most embarrassing moment was when I was in 7th grade and we had field day. So all the middle schoolers were outside 6th and 7th grade, so while we were outside I was playing tag with friends and the person who was it chased me and I hopped over a little circular fence but couldn't quite get away so then somebody came over to help me not get caught and while they were distracting the person that was it I was starting to run but when I started to run I tripped over the little fence causing me to fall. While I was falling it felt like I was in slow motion, like I could see myself from first person literally turning around slowly in the air crashing down on my shoulder it was so slow. Then after I got up feeling so hurt but I took it like a champ just walking it off then my principle came over and was walking it off with me and then She took me to the nurse there I had realized not only was my uniform shirt ripped but my uniform pants were too I never went home i stayed for the rest of the school day, I just got a alcohol pad and a bandage, ever since that day for the rest of the year my Friends were calling me "I forgot to jump" what a school year.
My most embarrassing moment was when I was in 7th grade and we had field day. So all the middle schoolers were outside 6th and 7th grade, so while we were outside I was playing tag with friends and the person who was it chased me and I hopped over a little circular fence but couldn't quite get away so then somebody came over to help me not get caught and while they were distracting the person that was it I was starting to run but when I started to run I tripped over the little fence causing me to fall. While I was falling it felt like I was in slow motion, like I could see myself from first person literally turning around slowly in the air crashing down on my shoulder it was so slow. Then after I got up feeling so hurt but I took it like a champ just walking it off then my principle came over and was walking it off with me and then She took me to the nurse there I had realized not only was my uniform shirt ripped but my uniform pants were too I never went home i stayed for the rest of the school day, I just got a alcohol pad and a bandage, ever since that day for the rest of the year my Friends were calling me "I forgot to jump" what a school year.
